Don't Let GIR Buy You A Soda
by NUTZY MEGAN
Summary: ... because it could some thing else... like Irken sexual pheromones... looks like Gir got Zim a soda.. I HAVE UPDATED! Chap 3 of story 2 is up and running! it be short though :( RR :)
1. Don't Let GIR Buy You A Soda

  


DON'T LET GIR BUY YOU A SODA

BY NUTZY MEGAN AND MEEPER

  


We don't own Invader Zim, the wonderful Jhonen Vasquez does, and we own nothing as well.

  


Well, here goes something,

  


It was like any other day as Zim stepped out of the Skool building. He seemed pretty happy to be out of Ms. Bitters' class for the weekend. He didn't expect the next two days to be out of the ordinary, like they were.

As Zim was walking home, Gir was deep in Zim's labs. He was on the Irken Internet.

Then Gir saw something on the screen, it was a vile of liquid, the description read:

Female Irken Sexual Pheromone Filled Saliva; for those male Irkens that just can't get any lovin'! Just put two drops on your head and WHAM! You'll get a fun filled night, Guaranteed.

WARNING: only put TWO drops per use. Never put directly on antenna.

Gir looked at this, of coarse, he didn't understand what it meant, he thought it was a soda, so he ordered it.

Zim walked up to his base and noticed the parcel barreling down on him from the sky and tried to get out of the way, but it hit him, every thing went black...

Gir saw his 'soda' was there along with an unconscious master, so he took both inside the base.

He took Zim's wig off along with his contact lenses. Gir opened the box and took out the vile, the little robot looked at his 'soda' and looked at his master. Gir did what he thought was the best thing to revive Zim. He pulled the rubber cork out of the vile and poured the contents on his master's head.

Less than a nanosecond later, Zim's eyes were very open and he had the biggest grin on his face. Zim twitched his antenna, they were saturated, he was trying to pick up on a female. He got the closest one. He jumped into his voot runner and followed the sent of a sex craving female.

He turned on the radio and still got human stations, David Bowie's "young Americans" played, Zim sang along, but said Irkens instead of Americans.

He was almost at the source of the smell when it got intersected by another male Irken's stink. This got Zim really angry, he wanted to mate, and he wanted to mate NOW!

Then, he picked up on an other female, and she was close! He found her and went into the hypnotic, 5 minute trance all males go through before mating. Unfortunately, she didn't like his height and slapped him, thus, he was thrown out of the trance, he was rejected to mate. That made the incredibly horny Zim really p.o.'ed.

Zim, all the sudden, picked up on an other female, he found her and went into the 5 minute trance.

"My name is Wak," she said as Zim stared,"what is your name?"

"I'm, Zim," he said hypnotically.

Wak's eyes bulged. "The Zim? The Irken that almost destroyed Irk?" Wak questioned.

"Yes..." Zim weakly replied.

Wak grabbed her battle ax. She swung it at him. Just that instant, the 5 minutes were up. Zim grinned happily and walked toward Wak. She swung the ax back and forth, "GET AWAY!" she screamed. She got close to slicing one of his antenna off, but the sharp blade didn't seem to scare the turned on Irken.

Wak ran as fast as she could to her voot runner. She got in and flew off. Zim didn't give up that easily, he hopped into his voot as well, "I can't get no satisfaction" was on the radio.

They chased each other in their voot runners. Wak was chasing Zim because she wanted to kill him, and Zim was chasing Wak because he wanted some action. Wak fired at Zim, Zim fired at Wak. They both went falling to one of the moons of Hateria, the hat planet.

They crashed, but were not hurt. Wak got out of the wreckage, she shook her fist at Zim, who had just got out of his mangled bits of voot runner. He had one of those Gir like looks on his face, except he looked more happy than Gir.

"LOOK WHAT YOU DID!" Wak yelled to Zim, "NOW I HAVE TO RIP YOUR SQUEEDELYSMOOCH OUT WITH THIS SPORK!" she held up a black spork with blood crusted on it.

Zim ran full speed toward Wak. Wak stood there in astonishment for a second or two, no male had ever been brave enough to face the spork, maybe he wasn't that bad, Wak shook her head, "no!" she said to herself, "I'm not mating with him." Wak noticed that if she didn't move soon, Zim would defiantly mate with her, he was only about 30 feet away, and getting closer. Wak ran for her virginity.

And the chase was on, Wak hid behind a wall of rock. "Wak! Is that you?"

Wak turned, " MEZ?! What are you doing here?" Wak exclaimed.

"My crazy uncle lives here," Mez said, "he says he grows snack foods, yeah."

Wak grabbed Mez by her caller. "Mez! Do you remember that one male Irken who almost destroyed Irk?" Wak asked.

"Yeah! His name was Zim, I think." Mez replied.

"Well," Wak started, "Earlier, I was sending out a sex pheromone and the first male to respond was nun other than Zim, and I didn't slap him out of the trance, now he's looking for me, and he is serious about this! HELP ME!"

"Hmmmm," Mez mused, "I KNOW!" She whispered her plan to Wak. Wak nodded in approval. 

Wak and Mez got into Zim's veiw. "Well, two is better than one," Zim thought. Zim ran full speed to the two female Irkens.

"NOW!" screeched Mez. Wak ran to the left, Mez ran to the right. Zim stopped between the two, one of his antenna stretched to the left, and the other went to the right. His antenna extended so violently, Zim fell to his knees and yelped in pain as he held the two appendages on his head.

"Yes! It's working!" Wak happily said.

"MEZ!" yelled a voice, "These snacks aren't gonna plant themselves!"

"Oh no! It's Uncle Ziff! I've gotta go! Sorry Wak." Mez was gone in he blink of an eye.

Zim's antenna were now both pointed at Wak. Zim got up with a smile on his face, more insane and naughty then ever. Wak looked for her spork, "Oh no," she uttered, she had dropped it. Zim slowly came closer. Wak felt like some one had poured cement on her feet. Zim came so close, she could feel his warm breath against her skin.

"Are you ready?" Zim softly asked Wak. Wak's eyes bulged. Zim extended his spider legs and hung suspended above Wak. She put her hands behind her back and pulled out her battle ax. She swung it at Zim's robotic legs, thus, amputating them. Zim fell and hit the ground with a thud. Wak made a run for it as Zim was getting up. 

Zim chased Wak once again. "You might think I'm crazy" played on the only part of Zim's voot cruiser that wasn't destroyed. 

Wak's ax was slowing her down, so she threw it back. Wak kept running, then she turned around and saw that Zim wasn't following her, the ax had pined the back of his uniform to the ground. He was viciously pulling at the weapon to free himself. Wak went up to Zim and watched his pitiful attempts at escaping. "Oh how the tables have turned, dear Zim," Wak said to the male Irken.

Zim pulled and pulled at the ax, Wak laughed. "How pathetic!" she smirked. Zim's voot radio played Mick Jagger's "Sex Drive"

The pinned down Irken was on all fours, crawling toward the on looking female. Then there was a loud RIP! The only piece of Zim left under the ax blade was a section of an Irken invader's uniform. The rest of Zim was trying to coax Wak from a pile of rocks she was at the top of. Wak looked around frantically for an idea. She saw Zim trying to get her down with a cup cake, Mez dumping some nachos into a hole in the ground, and her wrecked voot cruiser. "Wait a minute!" Wak thought, "Bir!"

Wak took a deep breath of air and screamed "BIIIIIIIR!" That instant a sir, wearing a demon suit, jumped out of the scrap metal that once was a voot runner.

"What do yoo need!" the robot said happily. 

"ATTACK THAT IRKEN!" Wak yelled while pointing at Zim. Bir's eyes went red and two metal fangs popped out of the roof of the robot's mouth. "BITE HIS HEAD!" Wak commanded.

Bir grinned evilly, advancing on Zim with murderous glee. Zim, with his sex craving mind, saw the sir unit as a rival male. No other Irken was getting his female! Not even one in a costume! Growling like a rapid dog, the horny male threw himself at Bir, the bat like sir unit taken completely by surprise. Wak, seizing the opportunity, tried to activate her own spider legs, but with a few sparks and a weird SPITKEE! Noise, the pak backfired, just as Zim defeated Bir, throwing him to the side.

"You know," Zim said to Wak, "playing hard to get is a real turn on." Wak shuddered at that remark.

Wak had no defenses, no ax, no spork, no Bir, no spider legs even, she had nothing to protect herself from Zim. Zim put his face close to Wak's. "The time has come," Zim cooed.

"I guess it has," Wak said to Zim softly. Wak smiled, which was something she never did. Wak violently shook her head, but the thought of her mating with Zim wouldn't get out of her mind. Wak glanced at Zim, who had already taken off the main part of his uniform, he stood there in a black shirt and pants, grinning at Wak. 

Wak found herself stripping of the dress like part of her suit as well, her brain didn't want to undress, but her arms seemed to be thinking on their own. Wak looked down at the crimson pants and shirt she was wearing and blushed. Zim embraced Wak and kissed her on her non existent lips. "Yes," Wak murmured, "Wait, no!" Zim lovingly stared into Wak's deep, silver eyes. "Never mind," Wak said hypnotically. 

Zim and Wak walked over to Zim's destroyed voot runner, Zim pressed a button on what was the dash board. Just that instant, the voot cruiser reformed itself, like it had never crashed. "come," Zim said as he took Wak's hand. They both got into the voot.

Zim took his shirt off, revealing his pale lime green chest. Zim embraced Wak once again, but he tilted his head up and licked one of Wak's antenna. Wak's eyes bulged, for the pheromones in Zim's saliva gave her a sudden jolt of the instinct to mate. As a reply, Wak licked one of Zim's antenna. He grinned, more happy than ever, Wak accepted to mate with him.

Wak took her shirt off. Soon after, came their pants, then, what ever the Irken equivalent to under wear is. They both stared at each other, both in their naked glory. Zim made the first move.

The voot runner's wind shield steamed up quickly, a single Irken hand print in the fogged window.

Outside, about 20 feet away, sat crazy Uncle Ziff, in a lawn chair, with a bowl of popcorn , watching this spectator's sport. "Hee, hee, hee!" Ziff laughed as he watched the two Irkens go at it.

After about an hour and a half, Ziff got tired of watching Zim and Wak have sex, so he packed up his junk and went home. But that didn't stop the two Irkens. Ricky Martain's "She Bangs" played on the radio.

A few miles away, the corpse of Bir stirred, the various pieces of the s.i.r. Unit started to form back together, flying back into place from magnets in the small s.i.r's components. The little Bir's eyes opened. "Cheesy puffs make my head hurt," he quipped, sitting up. "Master?" he sniffed, picking up Wak's scent, a mixture of metal polish and old Taco Smell salsa. Bir's fangs popped out again when the s.i.r smelled Zim's scent as well, and went tearing off to save his master.

He found the voot runner, he couldn't see what was happening, but he could hear what he thought were screams of pain, like his master was being tortured.

Bir pushed up the wind shield and saw Zim and his master on top of each other, naked. "Huh? Bir!" Wak gasped, "now's not the time!"

"I must protect my master!" Bir screeched as he jumped at Zim, who was on top of Wak. Now, if there's one thing you need to know, it's never interrupt two mating Irkens. Zim growled like he did when Bir and him had first met, but it was more like a rapid baboon this time. 

Zim jumped out of the way, but got a huge slash down his whole back from Bir's fangs. Zim touched the wound on his back, he gasped when he saw the great amount of blood on his hand. Zim stood up, blood dripping down his back. He pounced at Bir, ripping the s.i.r to pieces, but remembering to take the magnets out this time. He stuffed the magnets into the glove compartment as his PAK closed the cut. "So," Zim said to Wak, "where were we?" Zim and Wak went back their previous activities.

"Darn," said a male Irken with bluish teal eyes, "they should call this moon Crashnburn." he thought as he climbed out of his wrecked voot cruiser, He walked a bit until he stepped on something that crunched under his boot. "GREAT GHOST OF DOOKY!" he shrieked as he picked up the smashed plastic. "Wak's spork! I hope nothing bad has happened to my best friend."

Oh, but it was quite the opposite, Wak was really enjoying Zim's company.

Tez gulped, thinking fearfully about what kind of Irken or other monster could take down the ax wielding Wak, much less make her drop her favorite decapitating spork! He considered going back to Uncle Ziff, but tore off through the underbrush, teal eyes wide with worry for his friend.

He finally found the battered remains of Bir. Tez bent, picking up the s.i.r unit's halved head, held together by a few wires, a tooth pick, and something that looked a lot like Bill Clinton's impeachment form. "By the dookiest Tallests," he breathed, watching as a rubber duckie fell out of Bir's neck, along with a wind-up cooking timer and extra pieces of double mint gum. Putting the unit down with respect, Tez went back to looking for Wak, his worst fears seeming to have been confirmed.

An hour later, he found a quivering voot runner. Something really bad must be happening in there. Tez took his bread knife of DOOM out of his pak, putting his back to a bolder. He ran over to the voot cruiser and tried to look through the fogged window. "Are they doing what I think their doing?" Tez asked no one in particular, "Yes! They are! That monster is killing Wak! I must save her!"

Tez opened the entrance to the voot, only to see what was really going on. Tez ran away screaming like a man on fire. He ran about a half a mile until he stopped.

"Ok," he said to himself, "Wak wasn't being tortured, she was having sex?!" Tez hit himself in the head with the handle of his bread knife, trying to get the mental image out of his brain. When that didn't work, he took a bag of Irken hot fries out of his pak, eating them quickly, hoping the snack would take his mind off of what he saw. "Wait," Tez said after swallowing a mouth full of fries, " who was she doing any who? I must know!" He walked back to the voot runner, being careful so he wouldn't suffer the same fate as Bir.

He stuck his head against the fogged window, wiping the fog away to clear up a spot for him to see through. Tez turned to the side and coughed at the site of the two Irkens going at it (clocked in at about 4½ hours). Keeping a hand over his mouth to keep from puking his hot fries, Tez looked back inside, squinting to identify the Irken on top. Tez's eyes bulged, he fell of the voot cruiser's nose and fell twitching to the forest floor, having a spasm from the sheer shock. 

Pur appeared out of a bush, looking at his twitching master and started poking him with a stick. "Cheesy nacho filled spam?" he said, trying to get his master to respond. Whipping out a orange soda, the s.i.r unit dropped the stick and poured it on Tez's right open eye.

The screaming even startled the two mating Irkens, and they made a mutual agreement to get the other to scream louder than who was ever shouting outside.

Tez ran around in circles, hands over his eyes with orange soda dripping from between his fingers. Pur grinned that his master was up and about again, "fwee!"

Tez wiped the remaining orange soft drink out of his eyes, "Why would you spray me with soda?"

"Because it's cool," said Pur, grinning dumbly.

"Do you know who was in the ship with Wak?" said Tez, slightly angered by his robot's stupidity.

"No," said Pur.

"ZIM!" screamed Tez, " the same irken that almost destroyed IrK! Why would she ever want him?"

"Maybe she likes him!" Pur screamed in his usual happy form.

"But that's not like Wak!" Tez shrieked to his s.i.r, "I have to do what I was going to do before I ran away screaming! I must save Wak!"

He sat down behind a bolder, starting to tap his temple with his knife handle. "I've got to stop this some how, because she's my friend," An image entered his head, and he shook it violently, "Nothing more than a friend though!" He thought, going back to formulating a plan. "What if she gets. . ."

1½ Days Later. . .

Tez was still tapping his head, trying to think. "Uh, Tez? What are you doing here?" Tez jumped about a foot in the air at Wak's voice, whirling around then wailing in despair, "Great Ghost of dooky! I'm to laaattteee!"\

3 Weeks Later. . .

Zim sat in his labs, the pheromones completely gone. He was working of a plan to destroy Dib and take over the Earth, when his computer's voice hummed, "Incoming message."

"Computer!" Zim commanded, "Play the message on the big screen."

The computer obeyed.

"Hi!" said a familiar voice. Zim gasped, it was Wak.

"Um, hi," he said shyly.

"Zim!" Wak gleefully sang, "I'm going to have a smeet! And guess who the father is!"

Zim's eye's bulged. That instant, he hit the tiled floor of his lab, passed out.

"Zim? Are you there?" Wak asked the fainted Irken.

THE END . . . for now. . .

  


  


pweeze R+R! Wait for the next story, Look Whose Dooming!, it's already written, just not typed, and make sure to read Meeper's story At Our Worst, it may no seem it, but it has a lot to do with this story, it's the 4th story in this series, this is the first story, if it wasn't already obvious to you.


	2. Character Description

CHARACTER DESCRIPTION THINGY MA BOBER 

By NUTZY MEGAN and Meeper

(A/N: Hello! It's me again, I am alive, at lease I think I am, O_o. But anyways, in the original version of "Don't Let GIR Buy You A Soda" Many people (ok, so it was only two or three) said they wanted a description of the fan characters in the story. So, me being such a nice person, made this thingy for you. I'm so nice to all of you. So here it goes.)

(note: we don't own Irkens, Jhonen owns them, but we own the characters themselves, (you know, personalities and such) so don't sue us, we don't have money anyway)

Here's the main character that until now, you had no clue about, Wak!

Name: Wak (that's obvious)

Species: Irken

Sex: Female (an other obvious, if you read the story already)

Occupation: Invader

Height: 4'8". (which in my mind is also Zim's height) 

Eye Color: silver

Spouse: (I'm not gonna tell you! Muhahahah!!!)

Personality: Well, she's some what mean and likes to torture and kill people. And she takes some type of pleasure from it as well. (isn't she nice?) But, in the story, she gets a little soft. So, she not always mean. She has friends too, so she must be doing something right. Pretty much, she's Meeper. (she is her character after all) 

Clothes: An Invader uniform, the main part (y'know, the part that looks like a dress?) looks like the one Zim wears, the same color and length at least. Her pants and under shirt are crimson. Her boots and gloves are black. Her pak is white with red spots, you get the idea. But, her most prized piece of clothing is her hat, a black Berea that almost never leaves her head.

Friends: Tez and Mez

Other Miscellaneous Stuff: She has two weapons she almost always has with her, a battle ax and a black spork.

That was fun, wasn't it?

Now, onto our next character, Bir!

Name: Bir 

Species: SIR

Sex: Male

Occupation: Wak's SIR

Height: 2'7" (counting his antenna) (just a guess)

Eye Color: Purple

Spouse: He doesn't have one…yet 

Personality: Pretty obedient, But after getting hit in the head a few months before the first story takes place, he's a bit nutty. Though, like his master, he can be mean and violent.

Clothes: His disguise has the same quality as GIR's dog suite, but it's a red and purple demon suite. It's even has little horns, along with the out sticking tongue. Well, even though this part is called "clothes" I'll describe him out of disguise. He looks like GIR, but with purple instead of aqua. But, unlike GIR, Bir has a big set of black, metal, gargoyle like wings. He also has two retractable metal fangs in the roof of his mouth.

Friends: Pur and Fizzle (Fizzle is not in these stories)

Other Miscellaneous Stuff: His Wing span: 5 feet

Now it's time for Tez! YAY! 

Name: Tez

Species: Irken

Sex: Male

Occupation: Invader

Height: 4'7"

Eye Color: Bluish Teal

Spouse: Invader Aik (but she's not mentioned in these stories)

Personality: He's very attached to his friends, to the point of being a worry wart. He tries his hardest to be the hero, but the role can sometimes overwhelm him. Like everyone in these stories, he's pretty crazy as well. But he still stands as one of my favorite characters. (he's based on one of my best friends. He helped on the stories, so the least I could do was put his character in)

Clothes: An Invader uniform, the main part is dark blue, the pants, under shirt, boots, and gloves are black. His pak is white with dark blue spots.

Friends: Wak and Mez 

Other Miscellaneous Stuff: His right antennae curves up at the tip, so it 

looks like a lightening bolt. He has a weapon of his own, a bread knife.

Now, here's Pur

Name: Pur (short for Purge) 

Species: SIR

Sex: Male

Occupation: Tez's SIR

Height: 2'7" (counting his antenna)

Eye Color: I think it's Teal

Spouse: none (but he tries to come onto Fizzle in an other story)

Personality: A lot like GIR, Insane, Nutty and Crazy. He really likes orange soda and he explodes a lot.

Clothes: A GIRish disguise of a squirrel. (need I say more?) Out of disguise, he looks like GIR, but with teal instead of aqua

Friends: Bir and Fizzle (I bet your just wondering who the hell Fizzle is? Aren't you?)

Other Miscellaneous Stuff: Nothing really

Now! My character! Mez!

Name: Mez

Species: Irken

Sex: Female 

Occupation: Invader (are you seeing a pattern?)

Height: 5'5" (she's tall, but she hangs out with short people, do you have a problem with that?)

Eye Color: Purple

Spouse: Invader Nex (he's not in these stories)

Personality: Fun loving, caring, insane, kind of sly, but unfortunately, has a lazy streak. (just like me!) Seems to always have a plan. (good or bad, most of the time it's bad though)

Clothes: an Invader uniform, the main part is purple. Her pants, under shirt, boots and gloves are black. Her pak is white with purple spots.

Friends: Wak and Tez

Other Miscellaneous Stuff: Her antennae curl over themselves to make a small, triangular loop at the end of both of them. (as you can tell, it's hard to explain) Oh, Fizzle is Mez's female SIR. (if you were wondering)

There's a few extra characters that I don't feel need to be explained, but if you just NEED to know about them, e mail me at DoomyMonkey@aol.comor at the one on my profile im_gonna_sing_the_doom_song@yahoo.com, you pick. The other two stories will be up in a few weeks (really!) I'm gonna go sleep now. P. S. : R+R!


	3. Look Whose Dooming: Chapter 1

Look Whose Dooming! (story #2 in this little series thingy)

By NUTZY MEGAN and MEEPER

(A/N: WHEEE!!! Ok, this be the first chapter of the second story, if you haven't read "Don't Let GIR Buy You A Soda" or the character description, go do that right now, then come back, if you've already read those, take a seat and enjoy the show)

WE DON'T OWN ZIM!! JHONEN VASQUEZ IS NOT TIED UP IN MY CLOSET!! STOP FILLING YOU HEAD WITH FILTY LIES!!

The massive was buzzing with activity, voot cruisers dispatching in all directions, on their way to various planets. Ever since the new tallest took over, there seemed to be double the amount of planets falling under the irken rule. 

Standing was on the main docking bay was Zak, surveying the scene with two-toned eyes (one silver, the other red). Another irken crept forward and looked up at Zak with something like fearful reverence. 

"A-Almighty Tallest?" Zak glanced down at the messenger from his lofty height of 7 feet, and had to hold in his laughter at the irken's shaking knees. Instead, he gave him a look of measured patience. After all, his mother didn't raise a political fool. 

"Please," Zak said, deep voice rolling out over the docking bay, "I have a name you know." The tiny irken almost fainted. To be on first name basis with the tallest? The legendary Zak? Who saved the planet from an invasion of soapeaterians? Who introduced orange soda?! Zak raised an nonexistent eyebrow at the irken's silence. 

"What is your name, messenger?" He said, causing the irken to nearly faint on the spot. 

"Q-Quack…" He shivered. Zak grinned and commenced to have conversation. Little did either of them know that two former tallest were plotting…

"40,000 monies, no more, no less." Said a voice to the two tall figures in the dark moonlit alley. 

"40,000!? We wouldn't be…"

"We can manage." Red hissed coldly, interrupting Purple, eyeing him evilly. 

"Deal." Said the voice. Red handed the time teleported to the shorter shadowy figure, and in a flash of bright light and the sound of the air being let out of a balloon, the shadow disappeared. 

"So, now what?" Purple muttered to the equally tall irken beside him. 

"We wait…" Red replied, staring at the spot where the figure had been a few moments before. "We wait and see…"

` (and so, it begins…)

`

` 

(going 20 years into the past…)

`

`

`

3 months later, Zim was still lying on the tiled base floor, Gir was poking his right temple with a stick of frozen strawberry jell-o. 

"Master?" He said, his pink jello-ey stick poking the downed and shocked irken. Zim just lied there, staring at the various tubes and pipes that lined the ceiling, muttering to himself things like:

"How…could…I?" And "It was only a one-nighter…" Gir got bored of poking Zim for three months straight, so he went and watched the Scary Monkey Show's 15 hour marathon. Zim still lied there on the floor remembering that night vividly, the night (and day) that he met Wak and helped conceive her smeet. That hot, steamy night in his…wait a second, are the kiddies reading this!? *puts up a censored sign*… okay, better…anyways…

The next three months were pretty uneventful. The usual had happened, Dib trying his hardest to break into Zim's base and ending up getting dragged away by a lawn gnome, nothing that interesting.

Days passed, when suddenly, there was an urgent message from Mez and Tez. 

"Zim!" yelled Tez.

" Wak's in labor!" the impatient purple eyed female interrupted.

"yeah," Tez said, annoyed, "what she said…"

Mez grinned, "Now YOU get to watch the wonders of Smeeting!" 

The screen quickly moved, showing Wak in a hospital bed, looking, obviously, like she was in a hideous amount of pain. She looked up to see Zim's face on the intercom. The pain of labor seemed to wash from her face, and was replaced by brought-by-the-moment hatred for the male that did this to her. "ZIM!" she screeched, "When I'm done having your smeet, I'm gonna get it my voot runner, come to Earth, and personally castrate you!!"

Despite the fact he loved her, he was still scared of her. She usually did what she would say. He simply uttered a squeak, a combo of fear, anticipation, and, well, more fear.

Wak was unphased by his squeak, " You pathetic excuse for an Irken!"

Zim tried his hardest to not do the normal reaction of throwing an insult right back, but failed. " Oh yeah? Well your not that great of an Irken ether!" It was a small insult, but that easily pissed the pregnant female off even more than she already was.

Wak gave him a glare that could melt through the door of a safe. "WHAT WAS THAT?!" 

Zim quickly swallowed his pride, " ummm… I love you…?"

Wak still glared, "That's what I thought"

The Irken doctor looked up from Wak's out spread legs. " three centimeters, you need nine more."

The female moved her glare to the doctor. " I've been pushing, contracting, and crammed in this embarrassing position for two hours, and that's ALL?" Wak laid back on the pillows, "Damn my body…" she scowled at herself.

Zim tried to do what he had seen other Irken males do when their mate was smeeting. " Don't worry, think about how much this will pay off when it's over." he said, attempting to be reassuring.

"I ….. guess … you're …..right.." She said painfully, a huge contraction hitting her body like a pile of bricks.

The doctor looked up once more, " 6 centimeters, you half way there."

"Finally, things are speeding up," she gasped, getting a contraction every ten seconds.

A few minutes later, the doctor spoke again, " 11 centimeters, just one more centimeter and it'll all be down hill from then on."

"How long do you think that'll be?" Tez questioned.

The final contraction seared through Wak's body that very second. Her chest was heaving from the pain. The pain killers were wearing off quickly, that fact becoming more obvious with every second. The doctor came to her side to tell her to start breathing, but he found himself in a strange kind of head lock from the female in the bed " I …. NEED …. PAIN KILLERS…. NOW!!!" she screamed in his face.

"Air…..need…..AIR!" he gasped.

"Pain killers …… need …….PAIN KILLERS!" Wak hissed, making the head lock tighter.

" Ok! Just .. let …GO…" The female let go of the doctor's head and started the breathing.

"I can see the head!" Mez announced happily, causing Tez to turn to the side and gag.

Wak screamed in agony, " YOU CALL THIS DOWN HILL!?!? YOU LIEING SACK OF-" her insult was quickly cut off by a burst of pain, which resulted in a blood curdling scream, going up in pitch every second. Then,……… silence ……

The quiet was suddenly broken by the doctor, "SUCCESS!" he said, triumphantly holding the small Irken child cupped in his hands above his head. "Eep!" the smeet squeaked, falling from the physician's hands and landing with a thud on the tiled floor of the ward. 

The doctor looked down and the tiny Irken, "oops…" he said, picking Zim and Wak's child up off the ground. He whipped the birthing fluids off the smeet and handed it to Wak, who was at the brink of passing out, like Tez had.

"Well," Mez quipped excitedly, "is it a girl or a boy?!"

Wak looked at the shape of the smeet's antennae, and smiled a little, "it's a boy."

Zim gaped from the intercom, "L-look at his eyes!" he unknowingly squeaked.

Every one in the room (except Tez) looked and gasped. The smeet had two different colored eyes. The right was silver, like his mother's, and the left was maroon red, like his father's. 

Through Mez's shock, she simply uttered and an old Irken proverb, "…. An Irken with two different colored eyes will grow to be someone of great importance ……" 

Wak looked at her small son, then to Zim, "Well, what do you wanna name him?"

Zim didn't answer, just gaped. He wasn't sure what emotion he was feeling, was it revulsion? The corners of Zim's mouth twitched, but he stopped himself from smiling. Or was it pride?

"Well?" Wak growled.

"HIS NAME SHALL BE ZAK!" Zim yelled, his voice thick with triumphant pride.

"Sounds …. Good." the silver eyed female said sleepily, the coating on the pain killers doing their job.

The tiny Irken looked up at his mother with a two-toned gaze, not knowing what sort of future lay in store for him. Wak embraced the bundled smeet gently, knowing all that work had finally paid off.

Zim watched from his base as the bond between mother and smeet grew in front of his own two eyes, quickly downing the sudden envy of seeing that bond and not being a part of it. The transmission then ended.

Zim stared at the blank screen, a look of shock and confusion printed across his face. Gir dropped from one of the ceiling tubes, landing head first on the ground. He quickly stood up and shrieked insanely, "Master's a daddy!!"

The male Irken that we all know and love, then did something very scary and out of character. He smiled, no, he grinned, realizing he WAS a father! "I'm a father…" he said in a whisper, he then repeated it, a little louder this time. Over struck by fatherly instincts he had never really had before, he bolted out of his base, completely undisguised, and yelled to the heavens (and the neighbors) "I'M A FATHER!!!" 

The creepy guy with no legs, across the street simply mumbled, "uh… huh" as he watched Zim's freakish out burst of joy,

All the while, another male Irken was watching Zim's insane dancing, "So, the smeet was born, perfect…." then the male scurried away.

OH! What now? This be the end of da first chappy of da second story! You'll have to wait till next week for the next chapter. Who's this Irken in the bushes? Will Wak come to Earth and castrate Zim? Will I shut up and type the second chapter?? All these and more answered next time….R+R


	4. Look Whose Dooming: chapter 2

Don't let GIR buy you a…Series! Story#2: Look whose Dooming! Chapter#2 (everything's 2 today!)

By NUTZY MEGAN and MEEPER! YAY!

I currently don't own Jhonen, so I don't own Zim. Some people are just so touchy! This is harmless Mary-Sue, get over it! Think, I could have described the sex scene in the first story with more detail….sorry, I had to get that off my shoulders….anyways….

(A/N: hey! Well… it's been a little more than a week…… but! I go on! Don't blame me, blame my skool and it's evil doom homework of PAIN!)

(Meeper pretty much wrote this whole chappy so, praise her and give her doughnuts!)

SUM OF THE FIRST STORY: Zim whacks Wak

SUM OF THE FIRST CHAPTER OF THE SECOND STORY: Zak is born, hooray!

ON WARD TO VENGANCE!!….. Err….. STORY!!!

(2 years into the future)

"Zak?" Wak called out, pushing aside a variety of different Hatarian plants. There was a giggle from up ahead. The sliver eyed female grinned. An other game of chase? That was fine with her.The tiny male Irken, dressed in an invader uniform for lack of other, dashed through the underbrush, looking back every so often to track his mother's progress. He turned his head in time to see something that looked like a pole stuck in the ground before ramming head first into it. The impact knocked him back, the sickening crunching sound of his spine filling the air. Shaking his head, he looked up slowly, red and sliver eyes going wide.

Sin smirked at the little Irken. Red and Purple had paid him well, and the kid had run right into him. With careful precision, he took out his laser, very slowly, just to scare the Irken before he blasted him to bits. Sin aimed carefully. Zak knew he was staring death in the face. So, he did something any 2 ½ year old would do. "MOMMMMMMMMMYYYYY!!"

Sin grinned wickedly and fired, Zak flinching away…

A tree behind the pair burst into flames. Zak looked up, realizing that he wasn't dead, and saw gleaming metal over his head along with a seriously po'd Wak, sheltering the child with her battle ax. Sin took a step back. His employers had told him about Wak's blood-thirstiness in combat, and had hoped from the start to catch Zak alone.

All it took was one glance from Wak to send small Irken child back to their home. Zak stood up quickly, despite the pain in his back, and dashed away. The two adults were left alone.

Wak looked Sin up and down, measuring his threat level. She smirked, bringing her ax to bear. This was going to be easy.

Sin did the same to her, pulling out a long dagger and psychedelic, multi-colored rubber piggy from the early 70's. "You know, it's a pity I have to kill you. I've never seen an Irken with eyes as beautiful as yours." he said as his eyes roved over her body, as if he was memorizing every curve.

Wak couldn't help but think this assassin was a complete pervert by what he was doing. She had to kill him, the thought of what he would do with her dead body was scary enough to compel her to win. 

Just to get his attention, she threw her ax like a boomerang, cutting the rubber pig in two while slicing a horrible gash on Sin's ribs before coming back. The sudden pain brought Sin back to reality, just in time to block an over head blow from Wak, the force of the strike almost cutting through the blade of his dagger.

Sin leapt back in shock as the psychotic female drew the ever deadly black Taco Smell spork. The expression on her face was murderous, sliver eyes glinting dangerously. 

It was with great difficulty that the, normally fearless, assassin blocked the hurricane of strikes and blows flying in every single conceivable direction. A shower of sparks told Sin immediately that he hadn't been protecting his back very well, as Wak pulled her ax out of his pak. A sudden, horrifying, thought came to Sin, his pak contained the time transporter, and it had just been cut in two…

Yes, I know, short chapter, but! The next chappy will be up very soon! So wait with bated breath my friends, until chapter 3!! R+R


	5. Look Whose Dooming: Chapter 3

Don't Let GIR Buy You A … Series! Story # 2 Chapter 3

By NUTZY MEGAN and MEEPER! WOO!

I ONLY OWN TWO HAMSTERS, A BOX OF TRISKETS, AND A GRAPE!!! AND SOME OTHER STUFF…. BUT I DON'T OWN IZ OR JHONEN VASQUEZ, soooo… yeah…

(A/N: How ya doin'? Yes, it's been more than a week… I know…. It's late, so, I probably won't get the whole story done tonight… I have the day off tomorrow, so, I'll try finish the rest then…

Btw, some one wanted to know what Dib thinks of all this. Well, that's pretty much the whole next story! So, just wait a little! Ok?) 

Summary of the last chapter: Wak got in a big old battle with this assassin guy named Sin who was sent by the Tallests to kill Zak and stuff… so…

On wit da ficcy! YO! O_o;;

Sin's lapse in concentration cost him dearly. Wak grinned evilly, a piece of one of the assassin's antennae falling to the ground. With a cry of fury, Wak rushed in, running Sin's squeedilyspooch through with the spork. She chuckled wickedly, rising her ax up, ready to slice the offending male's head clear off his shoulders, the Coup-de-grace.

But Sin, blinded by pain as he was, saw the fatal tactical error. With a speed born of desperation, he thrust his almost halved dagger into Wak's chest, punching through the blood thirsty female's heart and twisting in harshly, ensuring death. 

Wak's eyes bulged, the ax slipping from her now weak hands and her skin going pastel green. "like I said," Sin quipped, pushing the dying Wak off his blade and watching her crumble to the ground, gasping for air, " it's too bad I had to kill such a beautiful female." And with that, he limped back into the under brush.

Wak, as vision faded, for the first time in her whole life, truly asked for help… The Irken died a few minutes later, and Zim, back on Earth, dropped to his knees in pain, a horrible pain from his heart…

Zim kneeled on the ground, both hands over his chest, gasping in pain. And, some how, it could only be one thing…

"CURSE THOSE CHEESE SNACKS! THEY'VE GIVEN ME HEART BURN!!" 

So, with that, he decided to call Wak, if there was any Irken that knew about heart burn, it was her. Feeling urgency with the pain he had, he called her pak transmission device. No response…

He called her base. Nothing…

Zim started to worry.[(wow, that's something you don't see every day)] He made up his mind, getting in his voot runner, he set the auto pilot to Hateria. 

About an hour later, he landed in front of Wak's base. He scrambled out of his voot and went to the door and rung the bell. Zak flung open the door, holding a bow and arrow, aimed at Zim's mid section. "Who are you?" Zak said, trying to sound threatening, yet, his adorably squeaky, post-smeet voice ruined the affect, Zak narrowed his eyes. 

" Where's Wak?" Zim demanded, internally proud, secretly proud.

" She didn't come back… she was fighting with that Sin guy… But I want to know who you are and how you know about my mom."

Zim blinked, " Here's a hint, you wouldn't exist if it weren't for me… Let's just say, you got that eye," Zim pointed at Zak's red eye, "from me."

Zak gasped, lowering his bow slowly. "Mom… she's in the woods somewhere…" 

They both walked through the underbrush. "….So that's why I have a red eye…" Zak said to himself…

OK OK, short chapter, I know, but it's late and I want sleep…. I'll get the rest done as soon as possible, ok? Kk, I sleep now… R+R


End file.
